This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Randomize
