Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
