I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
This baby is an asshole
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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