thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Randomize
