I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
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