I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
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