I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
