I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
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