i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
