Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
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