I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
