he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
