Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Randomize
