How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
