so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
