Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
