Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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