also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
