so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
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