Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
Randomize
