After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
