I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
