So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
