My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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