Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
