I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
