Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
