I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
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