Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
Randomize
