HIV tests are more positive than that guy
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
