"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
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