Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Randomize
