Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
