She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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