look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
