alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
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