you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
Randomize
