i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
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