what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
ttyl tear gas
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Randomize
