You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Randomize
