OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
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