I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
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