All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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