You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Randomize
