home. puking in laundry basket.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
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