HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
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