I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
no. you can't hotbox the world.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Randomize
