It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
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