just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
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dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
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