I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
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