got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
Don't EVER smell your tampon
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Randomize
