i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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