what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Randomize
