Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Randomize
