I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Randomize
