I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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