If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
