I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
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