You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
