Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Randomize
