buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Randomize
