Tell her she can't have a vagina
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
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