He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
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