How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize
