My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Randomize
