I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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