apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
cat food counts as protein by the way
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Tornado booty call.. dedication
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Randomize
