1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Randomize
