dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
Everyone says I win the strip club
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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