you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
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