i wish there were pregnant emoticons
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
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